Story Type: tubal ligation

I was sterilized (laproscopy technique--cauterization of the tubes) last January 12, 2001. I was 24 years old, and luckily, didn't have much trouble getting the surgery done. I went to a Health Partners Women's clinic, and had a very understanding female doctor, who listened to my concerns, and respected my decision to be childfree.

The surgery itself wasn't bad, since I had general anesthetic at the same day surgery clinic. I was quite nervous though due to the surgery, and I couldn't see; since I had to take out my contacts prior to surgery. I remember walking to surgery, holding my DH's hand, when they told me I had to go in alone. I think he was more worried than I was!! I entered the operating room and lay down on the table. The nurses and doctors were very nice. There was a nurse I shocked though. She checked my bracelet and found out I was having a tubal, and asked if I had any kids. I said no, and she was taken a little aback. She said "well at least you're getting it over with." Then they set up the IVs, which was a bit painful (since I detest needles), and started the sedative.

I woke up, and heard a kid crying, and had a sick thought (OH NO!!), and then a rush of relief that it would never happen to me. My stomach and abdomen hurt a bit--they were covered with a large bandage. I was very thirsty, and had a nurse bring me some water. I drifted off again, and after a bit, I was taken to a recliner in recovery. DH was allowed in, and the doctor who performed the procedure explained that she had to make a larger incision than normal--thanks to my gut :P but I came through OK, and to rest for a few days.

My recovery went well, aside from the abdominal pain and moderate bruising, which was explained to me before. Also there was some shoulder pain, because of the gas they put into my belly. But, as I say, it's better to have a week of pain than 18+ years!!

All in all, it was the best decision (and investment) I ever made.

Story Type: tubal ligation

  On September 26, 2001 I had a Tubal Ligation (laparoscopic cauterization
of the tubes). I was 28 years old at the time. I took little effort on my
part to get this procedure done. My doctors were wonderful and open-minded
about it all. My husband was in the military and I was covered by Tricare
Prime so my experience may be a little different from civilians. I dealt
with Army doctors who gave me little hesitation on it. I did have to wait
for four weeks for a "in case you change you mind" period. I was told by my
doctor that he usually likes to have people wait SIX MONTHS but I seemed to
know what I wanted and he was fine with it if I was.

  I had to go in on the 24th to get some lab work done for the surgery. You
have to have it done in a 72 hour window prior to the operation. It wasn't
too bad that day, although in the lab a woman actually GASPED (like in
movies and cartoons) when I told her I had no children and was having a
tubal ligation on Wednesday and wanted no children. She went on about how
great kids were but then farther into the conversation said things like " I
wish I had waited" and "Maybe 3 is too many" ... ah those tiny voices of
regret will never pester me.

  The morning before the surgery I was a little nervous. I was not nervous
about the sterilization. I have never been more certain of anything. I don't
want kids, I don't want to spend the rest of my life on birth control or
fidgeting with condoms. I had jitters about being under and having surgery.
Your usual sorts of thoughts anytime a doctor is going to cut on you. I
trimmed off my nails the night before, when I had my gall bladder removed I
ended up scratching my cheek when I was waking up because of my long nails.

  DH and I were at the hospital at 9:30am. They gave me Zantac and Reglan
for stomach acid and such. Then at about 11:30am I was taken back to the
operating room and I woke up and could focus on the clock at 1:50pm and I
was home by 3pm. I thought I would be sore and tender. I had some bruising
and pain in the shoulders and chest from the gas they use to inflate your
abdomen.

  That night I had a little trouble sleeping. I don't sleep on my back and
that caused a bit of a problem and in the morning I woke up stiff and sore.
Nothing that walking about didn't help.

  My only regret is that I waited so long to even try to get the procedure
done. If you are certain you aren't going to have children and want to have
this done I hope you don't wait around like I did.

How Bravewolf got Spayed

Oh, well, not really... but close enough.

Monday, February 11th:

12PM. I'm scared. My partner and mother are with me. What if I want kids someday? What if I have a reaction to the anaesthetic and die?

I change into the hospital surgery clothes. I fill out paperwork. Nurse gives me a little patch of numbing cream on my hand. I'm scared. Mom and Wolfie and the nurse talk me through it. I get 3 doses of Adavan. I'm still freaked.

1 PM I'm wheeled into the operating room. I get laughing gas. They take my hand. I try to pull it away - that's an evil needle. They take it back and I feel a sliding pain...

...ow. My abdomen hurts like a bitch. Owwwwww... Nurse comes... "morphine". Morphine. Cessation from pain. Yes. Good...

...Wolfie is brushing the hair off of my face...

...Wolfie. Hi, Wolfie. I feel like shit. Someone has jammed a spoon through my belly button and has stirred up the contents of my abdomenal cavity.

...Ow. owowowow... The panic about wanting rugrats someday subsides. It's done.

Tuesday, Feb. 12:

I feel pregnant. I'm bloated. I'm in pain. I eat ice cream.

Wednesday, Feb. 13

Bloated. I look like a beached whale. If this is what pregnancy does to my formerly decent body, fuck it. Ow. I don't think I'll do much today.

Grunt. This pisses me off. I had to take a week off of weight training. I'm going to cycle 113 km tomorrow and I'd better feel ok. No, wait, I'm going to call my friends and tell them not to expect me until tomorrow.

Thursday, Feb. 14:

No bike Today. Feel snarly and bloated. Pain's less. I feel ok. Sort of. Blarg.

Friday, Feb. 15

I cycle to Victoria from Nanaimo (113 km or so). OK. Glad that the cycling clothes hide my slightly distended abdomen. Pain is ok, lingering soreness but oK

After that, it was just a matter of another few days or so before my body regained its natural shape and the pain went away. Now, after a month, I feel the same as I did before.

The main thing is to remember if you go off of any hormonal birth control, your periods will resume any cramping/flow that the BC regulated/prevented.

Incidentally, 2 weeks after the op, I stayed with friends who had a new baby and went to an SCA event where there was a lot of children in a very small hall. My friends have a rather fussy kid who would not sleep or shut up unless rocked or held or carried. At the SCA event, some 2-year olds ran around SCREAMING until I had to restrain myself from ripping their annoying little lungs from their annoying little bodies.

The lingering worry about wanting children in the future died a rather grisley death.

Copyright Bravewolf 2002

I had a tubal ligation at the age of 44. I had wanted one since I knew what one was, but when I looked into it in my 20s, the rules were hard, fast and completely paternalistic. I wasn't to have a tubal unless I had kids, until I was 40. No exceptions. Thanks, daddy-doctors for making sure I wasn't allowed to screw up your expectations of my life by making my own choices.

I am absolutely sure that I do not want a child to live in the overpopulated, crowded and environmentally damaged world I can already see happening. I am absolutely sure that I do not enjoy spending time with young children. I am certain that men willing to do the majority of child care are as scarce as hen's teeth. Newly married just eleven days, I went into a gynecologist's office as sure in my decision as any woman could be. I was 44 - if you believe the pro-natalist anti-woman propaganda now circulating, a tubal was just a formality, since no woman over 35 can get pregnant naturally anyway, right? Of course, having been raised in a devoutly Catholic household, I knew a whole lot of women who had had children in their forties, even though none of them wanted another child, and I wasn't about to be surprised. I was sick of using my diaphragm, I was unable to use hormonal birth control, and I was screamingly tired of wondering if this was the month I was going to have to schedule an abortion because the diaphragm just didn't work.

While standards for tubals have changed, gynecologists haven't. This guy gave me a whole lot of attitude. I didn't resent his trying to get me to consider other forms of birth control since, in good medical practice, surgery should always be avoided if possible. I did resent his question about whether my husband agreed with my decision to have the tubal. I said to him "Yes, however, it would not make any difference if he did not agree. This is MY decision." After that he stopped asking me questions, though he did throw in a few barbs. He seemed basically competent and I didn't want to go through the whole long wait again, so we agreed on a date. Although my state has no waiting period for sterilization, the reality is that doctors have waiting periods for appointments, and I knew it would be a while before I could get another consultation, and then a further wait for a slot in the surgical schedule. I also knew that my life wasn't in the hands of someone who would be making a 1/2 inch incision in my belly, but in those of the anesthesiologist. Changing gynecologists wasn't going to improve my chances of getting a good one.

Surgery is never a safe procedure, though a tubal is about as safe as it gets. I did my share by working out daily, doing yoga, getting lots of rest, eating a diet rich in fruits and vegetables, which promotes healing, and avoiding sweets, alcohol and processed foods. There are no guarantees, but a healthy lifestyle prior to surgery can't do anything but good. I also saw an attorney, and made sure I had a Power of Attorney for Health, a Living Will and a valid will. I talked to my husband about my wishes in case something happened. My husband came with me to the hospital, and we chatted as I waited. The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me, asked me all the questions I had previously answered, and told me what he was going to do. I felt no fear. I knew I had done everything possible to prepare, and I called on yoga breathing techniques to give me tranquility. I did not require any sedatives, and I expect I probably took less anesthesia as a result of my state of mind. As the orderly wheeled me to the operating room, I gave my husband a huge kiss, then asked her "Have you guys ever considered offering waxing as a value add to the surgery? Since you're under anesthesia, you wouldn't feel a thing." She gave me a frightened look, and my husband said "Never mind. These kinds of things come out of her frequently."

When I woke up, I was groggy and mildly sore. The worst part was the feeling that I really needed to go to sleep, but couldn't. I was in very little pain, and required no pain medication. My husband came in to the recovery room and sat with me, holding my hand, and we chatted, eventually I was deemed able to go home. At that time, I had been in the hospital for five hours. At home I slept on the couch, on my back for the rest of the day. At bedtime I moved into the bedroom. You DO have to sleep on your back for the first day or so.

The next day I rested, read and watched tv on my back, until mid-afternoon when my husband and I drove into New York City to go to a club. Hey. We had Roberta Flack tickets! The day after I took a mile walk with him, and by 5 days after the surgery I was back to working out at about 80%. If I had to do it over, I wouldn't have been so active. Be nice to your belly as long as you can. I have some belly fat, which swelled, and it pulled on my incision and eventually opened up one of the stitches. That wasn't horrible, but it wasn't any fun either. If I had to do it over, I'd accept the boredom and schedule a good four or five days on my back. You also need to consider the possibility that you may have post-surgical depression. This is NOT you mourning the children you will never have, nor is it hormonal, and the result of the tubal. It is a common, little-mentioned side effect of anesthesia. If you (like me) are depressive, it is quite possible that you will suffer this. It was bad at times, but I've had worse, and it remitted after about six weeks.

It's now been three months since my tubal, and I no longer discover something new to love about it every day, so I just have to keep loving the things I've already figured out. Sex is now spontaneous and completely delightful. No diaphragm, no calculating where I am in my cycle, no mess, no worry. My husband and I do it a lot more often, and our relationship has improved as a result. I feel liberated in so many ways. The first day of my first period after my tubal, I collected and tossed out all my birth control, my package of morning after pills (just in case), my condoms (just in case), my pregnancy test kit (worst case). I had to stop myself from tossing the tampons and pads, I was so excited. I no longer associate sex with fear, and I can do things I never could before. For example, I never drank more than a half glass of wine, because I know that birth control failures, particularly of methods like the diaphragm, are far more common when the woman has been drinking. Now I can have a full glass or two of wine with dinner and not think about what might happen if I get a little tipsy. I can schedule medical procedures and answer "not pregnant" on the survey forms with absolute certainty. But most of all, I have this enormous sense of liberation that permeates everything I do. I only now understand that there is a huge price to pay for fertility. I never had the sense that I could just spend my money, go on a trip, have an adventure...I always had to prepare for the eventuality that I might become pregnant. Could I raft down the Amazon for three months? What if I was raped? Could I find adequately sanitary circumstances in which to put in my diaphragm? Would my husband be willing to go without sex for the entire trip? What if we found the most perfect jungle clearing, draped with flowers, and wanted so much to make love there? Would I be willing to say no, and give up a once in a lifetime experience because of my fear of pregnancy? What if my diaphragm slipped, and I had to navigate the oppressive maze of laws and attitudes in order to get an abortion? What if I ended up being forced to carry a child to term that I did not want? I can't say I lived a repressed life, but I do know that I gave up many opportunities for even more daring adventures because birth control was always on my mind. I always envied men their freedom - and until I had my tubal, I did not realize that freedom from pregnancy was what I envied. It has also closed the subject of children with my husband, who was vacillating, despite our age and financial and health circumstances, which preclude our having a child. I now find myself reading travel magazines, spending money, saying yes. My tubal has opened up my life unimaginably. I'm thankful that young women no longer have to wait and be pressured and give up their opportunities because society can't tolerate having them slip their leashes. Have that tubal. If you want children later, you can adopt.

(fosse7 on ASC)

I'm the proud owner of a tubal ligation by way of bands. I have known since I was 21 that children were NEVER in the works for me. At the time, I was married to a navy man, and so had free access to health care. I actually thought getting a tubal would be a piece of cake, and free! Boy, was I wrong. The Doctors patently refused to do it until, get this, "You have had at least one or two children". I protested, saying that's exactly what I was trying to avoid. He prescribed a diaphragm for me (which I never used- have you ever seen the pregnancy odds on those things?!) and sent me on my way.

Fast forward to 1996- after a divorce from said navy guy (who now has FOUR kids-- can you say HELL?) I met the love of my life. We agreed on the kid issue. No kids = more time for each other. Plus, we had tried to adopt a puppy, and a month later we had to return her because we were gone a lot with work and it wasn't fair to her. Now, if you're not able to handle and care for a dog, then a sprog is just right out. I mentioned the idea of a vas to my DH (we were married in '99), and he said he'd go, but kept stalling. I think it was just squeamishness, which believe me, I DO understand.Ê

Finally, I realized a vasectomy was still not the final answer- I wanted a tubal. Me. So after I got my insurance straightened out, I went to my doc who gave me a gyn referral. Now, maybe it was because I'm 34, or because I looked determined, but he never gave me a second glance. OK'd the surgery and scheduled my tubal by way of laproscopic surgery- using bands to "pinch off" a section of each tube, where the banded piece would eventually fall off and be reabsorbed by my body. There is a 30 day wait in the state of VA, but my doc's schedule was full enough that my surgery was two months away anyhow.

The day of the surgery I was nervous. Not about the tubal, but about being put under. The last time I'd had anesthesia I'd yakked for what seemed like forever. I mentioned that to the Dr., and he added something to my drug cocktail that would take care of that. The last thing I remember pre-op is feeling like I was on the best drunk I ever had, and my DH said I sang him a song as they wheeled me off to surgery.

Post op, I woke because the post-op nurse was calling my name, and loudly. I remember asking her if I could sleep some more; she replied yes, but who knows whether I slept for 5 seconds, 5 minutes... When I awoke the second time they offered me graham crackers and ginger ale, and that is how my DH found me when they allowed him back: sitting upright, nibbling on a graham cracker with a big smile on my face. My abdomen was mildly sore, but I've had worse cramps. I basically felt fine.

DH took me home and put me to bed. I slept for about 3 hours, then got up and piddled around on the computer for a while. It occurred to me that I felt fine, and there was no reason for me to cancel our gig (DH and I are a band/duo). I made sure I took my Vicodin on schedule, but ladies and gentlemen, I did indeed go to the gig and sing and play the very night of my tubal. There was a slight ache in my shoulders from the gas they use to inflate the abdomen, but the Vicodin mostly took care of that.

I was a tiny bit tender around the midsection for a week or so, but I was back to the gym and swimming about 10 days later (after chomping at the bit for 5 days). All in all, I felt the experience was a piece of cake; others may have other experiences, but my tubal was very easy. Thanks, Dr. Rand!

I am happy to report that all went well, thanks to the tips and "heads up"information that everyone gave me on this forum and on other newsgroups.

I decided to describe my experience in detail and share it, just like Shari Bernhard did (I owe her a big thanksâ her description made the experience sound less threatening.) On Saturday, 10 May, I went to see my GYN, Dr. Lindley, for my preop exam.

We discussed the procedure and he told me what would happen.

I also asked him to explain once again how he was going to tie my tubesâ he burned and divided them.

Before I left, he gave me a prescription for Darvocet with Aceteminophen(sp?) as a postoperative painkiller, as well as a 3-day yeast infection treatment because I got a raving yeast infection due to stress of finals.

I got both filledâ cost me $8.00 at Walgreens, TRICARE Prime (military health insurance) picked up the bulk of the tab.

I have 12 Darvocets and one refillâ hopefully I won't need too many of them. I finished my last final exam and ended the semester on Monday.

Tuesday, 13 May I drove out to the hospital again, for my preadmission paperwork and my bloodwork and urinalysis.

The clerk who did my preadmission was so niceâ she asked me if we had any children, and I told her no, we had decided not to have any.

She said she was just being nosy, and apologized, and I told her that was OK.

She explained that she and her husband are trying to get pregnant with #3 and are having a hard time.

She is taking Clomid and hasn't had a period in 2 years.

I told her I'd be thinking of her and trying to think ++++ thoughts.

TRICARE picked up the cost of the hospitalâ it cost me $25.

The blood draw was a different storyâ the women at the lab were wonderful, butI am really terrible about needles.

I warned them in advance and asked if I could pee first, which they let me do (thank goodness!).

Then we went to the blood draw.

I was OK as they drew the first two tubes of blood, but by thetime we got to the third tube, I had turned pale, sweated so much that my dresswas soaked, and just about passed out.

They put an ammonia inhaler under my nose and cold soaked towels on my forehead and brought me some cold water to drink.

After the lady finished she let me sit there for a few minutesâ she felt really bad.

I told her that that is just the way I am about needlesâ always have been (once in the Army I passed out getting shots to deployâ didn't warn the poor medic and she refused to give shots the rest of the day, she was so shook up!) Couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight Wednesday nightâ I made sure DH & I ate late (salisbury steak & noodles) & I drank tons of water.

Woke up this morning at 0430 and had a really dry mouthâ ick.

We left at 0530 for thehospitalâ I decided to drive, since DH didn't know where we were going and I needed something to occupy me and keep my mind off the surgery. Got there at 0630â the nurse took me & DH back to a bed & had me changeâ I was allowed to keep my socks on, I just had to slip these little paper footie things on over my socks.

I had to put on one of those cloth shower-cap looking things too to cover my hair.

My doctor had written "needlephobic" on my admission orders, and I had talked with the anesthesiologist, so the nurses put something called "emla cream" on both of my hands to numb themâ the cream is a local anesthetic to numb the skin so you don't feel the IV.

They also took my temperature in my ear and applied a sticky thermometer to my forehead (this reads skin temperatureâ my ear temperataure was 96.1 and my skin temp was 102â don't quite understand but OK).

I changed into a gown & DH helped meget all tied up---he was so cute.

At 0650 an older nurse came back to give me the enemaâ a Fleets enema.

It wasn't so badâ they lay you on your left side and have you tuck your kneesup to your chest (or as far as you can).

The nurse warmed it up, so it wasn't so bad.

I was supposed to lay on my back & "hold it" for 10 minutesbefore going to the bathroom, but I only held it for about 8 minutes before I jumped up & said "Gang wayâ I'm coming through!"

No big dealâ made it to the can! After that, I went back to my bed & waited.

We watched the morning news on theTV they had there.

At 0710 a nurse came in and gave me two Valium (5 mg apiece) and let me swallow as little water as possible to wash them down(they're about the size of birth control pills, maybe a little bigger).

I had been shaking a little and cold, from nerves, a little earlier, but about 15minutes after taking the Valium I started to calm down & stopped shaking/freezingâ they also had me covered with a big warm blanket & sheet. DH said my eyelids were looking heavy.

At 0740 the anesthesiologist came in to say hello and talk to me.

He was the nicest man in the worldâ he put the sticky-back EKG pads on me and talked to me.

(I had met him during my Tuesday appointmentâ on the alt.support.childfree group someone posted about being mentally awake during surgery and I showed him the printout, and he promised not to let that happento me).

He left, and at 0745 he came back to start the IV.

He asked me if I needed anything and if I would like to prayâ I said OK and he said a short prayer of blessing.

I thought that was nice, and made me feel comfortable and secure, even though I'm not rabidly religious I liked the idea that this man invited the Divine into my surgery and my decision.

The IV wasn't badâ this emla cream had numbed my hand, and theanesthesiologist put some novocaine in a little needle and put it in and waited a few seconds as my hand numbed.

He then sprayed it with MORE topical anesthetic, then started the IV.

I didn't feel a thing.

DH was holding my hand the whole time, which was nice.

The anesthesiologist grabbed my arm andsaid, "See you in a few."At 0755 they wheeled me to surgery, and I said hello to everyoneâ my GYN was already there.

The anesthesiologist said "I'm going to give you a shot, and you're going to feel different."

I saw him put the shot into my IV tube and I started to feel a burning sensation, then said to him, "Youâre right about that."

I felt my eyes close, and the next thing I knew I was in the recovery room, looking at the clock, which said something like 0900. DH said the doctor came out to talk to him about 0850.

While I was in recovery I focused my eyes on the clock and tried to take stock of what hurt/didn't hurt, and tried to figure out how long the whole procedure had taken. One ofthe nurses asked me if I was OKâ I was, and asked for something to drink.

She brought me some ice water which felt good (my throat was a little irritated,probably from the breathing tube and being dehydrated).

I sneaked a peek at my stomachâ there is a small Band-Aid above my hairline and a big one right below my navel.

I looked at the IV and it was still OK.

I remembered that there might be a catheter and reached down between my legsâ sure enough one was still there (didn't hurt).

I asked the nurse if it could come out and she said yesâ she came over and pulled it out (didn't hurt eitherâ was glad). After a while the nurse asked me if I was getting bored, because she saw melooking around and checking things out and giggling as I listened in on otherconversations.

She asked me how many children we have and I said none, and shesaid "I admire that decisionâ it is socially a hard one to make but kids are alot of workâ I have two and you have to really want to do it."

I told her I was glad to hear someone say that and support my decision.

I was wheeled out of recovery at 0939, back to the space where I had started. DH was there, smiling.

They brought me 2 glasses of cranberry juice (I had a choiceâ apple, grapefruit, or cranberryâ thought cranberry was probably a good choice, especially given that I'd had the catheter and cranberry is supposed to be good if you have a bladder irritation/infectionâ preventative measure).

The nurse checked on me a few times, then came to remove my IV (didn't hurtâ my hand was still numb from the cream & stuff they put onthere).

By 1030 I was doneâ wheeled out to the car.

The ride home took about an hour or so.

So far so goodâ it is now 1:38 pm and I'm OKâ have to be careful not to let the dogs jump on me or anything, but just a little sore.

I feel the beginnings of some shoulder pain in my right shoulder, and I've read that moving helps and that a heating pad helps. Nothing unbearable, thoughâ I'm sitting at the computer as I type this and am OK.

I had a cup of coffee and something called cinnamon salad with Cool Whip for lunchâ Jell-O & applesauce salad made with Imperial candies (made it yesterday in case I was too sick to eat).

Doctor told DH I could be back to work on Mondayâ I don't have to return to school until May27 & DH will be in and out for the next week, so I'll just take it easy.

My followup appointment is June 6â not supposed to have sex until then,which is OK if it means I won't get an infection.

We'll see how long wecan hold out!

Anyway, that's how it wentâ I'm the biggest wimp in the world about surgery, and I was pleasantly surprised.

The anesthesiologist, the nurses, andmy GYN were all terrific.

I think I'll send a thank-you note or a basket of flowers to the Outpatient Department thanking them for their personal attentionand caring---it really made a difference. Thanks everyone for your support as I went through thisâ it meant a lot.

I had my tubal ligation in August, 1998, one month before I got married.  I was 36 years old at the time.  The day-to-day details of the procedure have left my mind, but they have been well documented by other posters at this site.  I can answer questions from an emotional standpoint.  Was it worth it?  You bet it was.  It was the best surgical bargain I have ever had.  It was as uncomfortable as having a garden-variety laproscopic procedure.  (It was much worse getting my wisdom teeth out.)   The small amount of pain  was well worth the amazing feeling of freedom I gained in knowing that I never have been and never will be pregnant.   

Some background:  At the time of my tubal ligation I was out of birth control options.  Most brands of the Pill left me violently ill.  The ones I could tolerate left me fat, depressed, and gave me horrible, nauseous headaches.  I had used a diaphragm for many years but had constant yeast infections, although I kept the diaphragm scrupulously clean.  I asked for the tubal, but got the usual static from my ob-gyn, who urged me to try a Pill I had taken in my twenties.  I took that pill for three days and ended up in the hospital. I vomited to the point of dehydration and I had ruptured blood vessels in my face.  At this point my ob-gyn relented and agreed to perform the procedure.   

It was very important to me to have the procedure before I was married. This was for two reasons.  I knew many states require the spouse to sign a consent form.  My husband assured me that consent wouldn’t be a problem, but I believed then, as I do now, that nobody should have the power to “consent” to what an individual does with his or her body.  I feel this way, by the way, whether the person is male or female. If a man wants a vasectomy, the only consent he needs is his own.  I wanted no part of the “consent” process.   The second reason was to make my stance crystal clear.  I suspected that my husband, who had raised a child that was not his, was not as decided on the matter as I was, even though he was several years older.  This would make things perfectly clear prior to the wedding.   

The internet is full of sites where women are bemoaning their sterilizations.  Not here, and not I.  Like any nullipara woman who wanted to be sterilized, I was badgered by the medical community’s constant litany of, “You’ll change your mind.”  When I see the “statistics” that cite the percentage of women who have sterilizations, then later opt to have them reversed, one key statistic always goes missing.  I want to see the reversal percentage split out between sterilized women who have children before the procedure, and those who did not have children before the procedure. Despite diligent research, I have NEVER seen this division. 

If the Internet sob stories are any indication, 99% of the women who post tubal-regret stories (and I realize this number is not reliable for many reason) are going through a variation of the following theme:  Too-young, highly-fertile Bubbette meets Bubba.  Despite the fact that she is too young and can’t take care of herself, she has a passel of kids with Bubba.  Because her marriage is a living hell, and because she and Bubba can’t support the kids the kids they already have, Bubbette (sensibly) decides to get a tubal ligation.  (Bubba sure isn’t going to do anything, after all, that’s a women’s job.)  The marriage disintegrates; Bubbette meets may-n number two and promptly decides she MUST have a baby with may-n number two, and another internet post-tubal sob story is born. 

Unlike Bubbette, the feeling I had after the procedure was one of immense relief.  I have always known I would not bear children; it’s been a part of me since I was a child myself. 

Getting the surgery and bringing my body in sync with my mind was the greatest gift I could give to myself.  At the time, the procedure was covered by my federal health insurance. This is no longer the case…when Bush took office, he made an order that the federal health insurance programs would not cover any expenses related to abortion or sterilization.  Ponder that for a minute.  Okay, not everybody is for abortion, but sterilization?  What about people who want to plan their families and they want the most reliable method of birth control possible?  It boggles the mind and makes me ask why.  I think we all know why, and that is because they don’t want you to be too free.   I once read a definition of Puritanism as the haunting belief that someone, somewhere, is having a good time.  Yes, Virginia, there are people out there that believe that sex without consequences (possible pregnancy) is not something that other humans should experience, particularly and especially if you are a woman.   

I have never had one single regret, even though my marriage did not last.  This is important to bring up in light of all the Bubbette stories. In early 2002, my ex made the surprising announcement that at age 44, “he thought he may want keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedz.”  Of course, the real reason was that he was having an affair. 

So, at age 40, and I looking to find that perfect man and reverse my tubal?  Hell, no.  Will the right man make me change my mind?  The right man won’t want kids.  As the years go by, I become MORE content, MORE at peace with my decision. It is the gift that keeps on giving.  I urge anyone who feels this way to give the gift to herself while the gift is still legal.  Just sign me, a woman at peace with her decision.