About Her Own Woman




Why This Site Exists

My thoughts on childfreedom

Why This Site Exists

There are TONS of websites out there for women, but most of them assume that women = mother. I was weary of this assumption, so I decided to make my own website for childfree women. You will find lots of links and resources for the childfree, including information on tubal ligations.
A Few Things To Note:

  • All HTML, graphics, and content (unless otherwise indicated) were created by the site's owner, Monica Lightner. Original content may not be reproduced without prior written consent.
  • All links provided for educational and/or recreational purposes only. I'm not responsible for the contents of any links that are outside of the herownwoman.com domain.
  • It is my belief that a woman should only get her tubes tied if she can happily live with the fact that the procedure will, for all practical purposes, make it impossible for her to get pregnant.
  • I have lots of respect for those women who take great pride in their role of mother, do not expect any special treatment because they are mothers, and strive to be the best mothers they can be. These women find motherhood to be a source of joy more than a source of frustration or sorrow, as they understand what it takes to raise a child into a productive adult, and are willing to devote at least two decades of their lives to that task.
  • I have absolutely no respect for women who believe motherhood takes little effort and won't have much impact on her current lifestyle.



My thoughts on childfreedom



Born Childfree




I'm what some childfree people call an "early articulator". When I was six, I found out a woman could have an operation (tubal ligation) so she couldn't have any (more) babies. I immediately wanted one. By that time, I had noticed how much hard work it was to be a good parent. It didn't seem the least bit appealing, and from that point forward, I felt like I was just biding my time until the day I got pregnant.

When I left a five-year relationship at age 20 and realized that I had the rest of my life to achieve my goals and fulfill my dreams, children weren't in my plans.

When I was 21, I met my beloved soulmate. He was 33 and was very upfront about not wanting children. When he told me he'd support my right to choose abortion should my birth control fail, I realized that having his child would NOT mean the beginning of a wonderful part of our lives, but be the END of our happy, peaceful life together. Once I realized that adults can live happy, fruitful lives without producing offspring, I started to look forward to living my adult life for me, instead of just killing time until the stick turned blue and I became a Mom.

I've reached a point in my life where I have pretty much everything I want/need--a wonderful husband, six bundles of feline joy, three chickens, a wonderful house, and a bunch of other nice things. I'm very happy with the way my life is going, and to have a child would mean the end to things I value dearly, most of all my autonomy. I'm not willing to give that up for parenthood. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. Honest? Definitely. I've observed other people trying to "have it all"-- spouse, kids, career--and they're often weary, frustrated, and broke. No, thanks.


In late 1999, I began what I now refer to as Monie's Tubal Saga. I knew trying to obtain a tubal ligation at age 24 wouldn't be easy. Of course, I didn't expect it to be as difficult as it was! To read a letter I had to write in order to get a doctor to consent to the operation, click here. In the end I triumphed, and I finally got my tubal ligation on April 26, 2000, just a month after I turned 25!! :)

Q: Are We Not Bitter?
A: We Are Barren!




You're too young to think about not having kids.

Age is relative. I'm 32, my husband's 44, and we're not about to change our minds about having kids. Despite the current trend of older folks having kids, we both think it is unfair to put a very large "generation gap" in a parent/child relationship.


What happens if your marriage ends and you find someone else who wants children?

I have a long list of things I'd do in that case, and get into a monogamous relationship with a man is not one of them! I will be completely upfront about my childfree/sterile status with any prospective suitors, and I would be hard pressed to date a single parent.


Aren't you being a bit selfish?

What's selfish about knowing that I don't want to make the sacrifices a good parent should make? Should I have kids and raise them poorly just to prove I don't want to be a parent?


Don't you want to give your parents grandchildren?

That is a CHOICE, not an obligation. Honestly, I'd rather make something great of my life, giving them a daughter they can be proud of, rather than making them proud of me by doing something as easy as producing an offspring. Besides, my sister just had a baby, so they're Grandparents now.


Don't you think you'll regret being sterilized at such a young age?

I haven't regretted my tubal one day in the seven years I've had it. I get giddy every single time I think of being sterile.


Why doesn't your husband get a vasectomy if he doesn't want kids?

Just as it is MY body and MY choice, it is HIS body and HIS choice. I wouldn't want him to do it if he really doesn't want to. So far, he doesn't want to. Besides, him getting a vasectomy doesn't guarantee that I'll never get pregnant.

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